Letter to the Person Living With BPD

I wrote this last year and shared it on my Australian BPD group. I came across it again today, and it seems like something that I should place here, as well. Although it's for 'the person with BPD', it may offer some small insight for those who don't have BPD as well.

To the person with BPD,

First of all, know you are not alone. There are men and women from all walks of life who can identify with those three letters, and though they may not always be people you would choose to have in your life, they are your allies and your kin. We walk these paths together; and as lonely as it can be, because of that we are never truly alone.

Know that when you research your condition, you will come across websites that call you evil; you will come across websites that claim you are narcissistic and lacking in empathy. Know that being diagnosed with BPD does not equate to these things. Being diagnosed BPD means many things, but know that it does not make you a bad person. No website calling all people with BPD 'evil', 'manipulative' or 'narcisstic', or calling for extreme avoidance of all those diagnosed, is professional or accurate.

Know that your future is not assured. BPD is, technically, incurable -- but it is not a life sentence. There is treatment available and life can get better. If you have done DBT and found it unhelpful, know that there is more than one option out there. There is no such thing as a one-size-fits-all treatment for BPD, no matter what anyone tells you.

Know that your feelings, as strong as they are, will dissipate if you allow them to. Your anger will fade; your sorrow will ease. Nothing lasts forever, and your feelings are not the exception to the rule. You are the emotional equivalent of a third degree burn victim but you have the ability to graft yourself with thicker skin. You can get through this.

Know that you can learn to control your behaviour. What you do in impulse now, you can learn to contain. Your angry outbursts, your uncontrolled spending, even your self harm can all become more controlled and can even be overcome entirely. It will take time and it will take a great deal of hard work, but it can be done.

Know that the world is not as black and white as you'd like it to be, but you can learn to be okay with that. Know that your instinct to cast people or events into categories on the extremes can be worked with. You will learn, in time, that nobody is all good or all bad, and that is okay.

Know that you will learn to know yourself, gradually. Maybe you will start with your favourite colour, or you will choose an animal to love. Maybe you will discover that you like your eggs scrambled, or you dislike jelly.

Know that sometimes people will leave, but it doesn't mean that you are being abandoned. Life is full of change; people move on, or are taken from us suddenly. Not everyone was meant to be a permanent fixture in our lives; some people will stay for a heartbeat, others will fill our hearts for years. Know that you can learn to be okay with the changing landscapes of friendships and loved ones, despite the pain.

Know, most of all, that there is hope. BPD is not a negative reflection on your personality and life can get better.

Sunday Sunshine - 9/8/15

Some of you may remember the old Sanguine Saturday posts I used to make. I decided to reinvent these as Sunday Sunshine, but with likely most of the same content. A weekly look at gratitudes, achievements and the like is probably something I need at the moment.

I'm grateful for...

• My heart family that is filled with wonderful people
• Having a free Netflix account
• Beach walks
• Coke Zero
• Having had a great night out with friends
• Books
• Dogs
• Also giraffes, cats, guinea pigs, monkeys, dolphins, and other mammals. Also non mammals. Just animals in general, really.
• Puns

Achievements:

• I walked from the street all the way into college all by myself.
  I've been brushing my teeth every day I've gone into college.
• I went out with friends -- this is a gratitude and an achievement because it was pretty scary, and there were some last minute changes that made my anxiety even worse.
• I knocked off another unit of study last week, which leaves me with one and a half (a prac and some related assignments that shouldn't take long) to finish before my next cluster opens on August 25.
• Even though I made a decision that didn't turn out very well, I was able to make better decisions in order to mitigate the negative effects.

Don't forget to challenge yourself by posting up some gratitudes and achievements of your own, and send me the link. I can't wait to see them!

Sanguine Satur-Sun-Monday: 7 Shades of Gratitude

Sanguine Monday doesn't have anywhere near the ring of Sanguine Saturday or Sunday. I should let that be a lesson to me and make sure I post these things up on the weekends so I don't get stuck with a title devoid of such fun alliteration.

(But, let's face it, I probably won't. I'm just rubbish at remembering what day it is most of the time.)


It's been a while again, hasn't it? Luckily, I am much practiced at jumping in where I left off, no matter how long ago that was, so without further ado, here are today's 7 Shades of Gratitude.


1. Decorating with others who enjoy Christmas as well.
2. Productive quiet time.
3. Deliciously warm weather.
4. Exploring new forms of poetry.
5. Grocery totals that come to less than expected.
6. New shoes! (Even if I do need to dye them black.)
7. Exploring new/old places with people we love.

30 Tuesday Truths: Two

While wandering the internet awhile ago, I came across a 30 Days of Truth blogging challenge/project over at As The Pendulum Swings. Instead of blogging every day, I've decided to take it on on a weekly basis, posting a new question & my answer every week.


Day 02 : Something you love about yourself

This one is harder than I thought it would be, to be perfectly honest. Don't get me wrong, I figured I'd have trouble with it -- but I thought I wouldn't be able to think of anything I even like about myself, let alone finding several I had trouble choosing between!

I could have gone with the colour of my eyes (blue-grey-changeable). I could have gone with my ability to enjoy things I'm not good at (like backyard spots, or singing, or dancing). I could have gone with how family oriented I am or how much love I have to give/share with people. There were several other ideas I entertained as well, but I am starting to feel a bit like I'm 'tooting my own horn' here, so I won't list them all. The point is, there's actually a fair bit about myself I've learned to, if not love, at least like. And some days I do even love those aspects of myself.

I could have gone with any of those things above (or the unspecified ones, of course) but instead I've chosen to go with my innocence, (child-like/childish ness) and naivety, in most of its aspects. I know a lot of people don't appreciate this in me, and others see it as a wall or mask I wear, but this is, quite frankly, one of my favourite things about myself.

I love that the small things interest and amuse me because I haven't let go of that part of myself. I love that it takes so little to make me happy (aside from my mental illnesses). I love that this part of me allows me to see beauty in things that others look right past. I love that I get excited about big events like Christmas or seeing snow for the first time, and that I also still get excited about the little events like seeing a puppy being taken for a walk or receiving a letter in the mail. I love that I haven't lost the ability to create, imagine and play.

I love that I have not allowed my past to blind me to the love, happiness and beauty that is in this world.

How about you, what is it you like or love about yourself? I challenge you to find at least one thing and either comment it or write it on your own blog (and comment your link!). :)

Chrysalis Stirring

Dear world,

I've decided I'm worth more than the names people call me. I've decided I'm worth more than the names I call myself.

I've decided I'm worth more than the value attributed me when I agree with an unpopular opinion. I've decided I'm worth more than the value attributed me when I don't agree with someone who thinks I should.

I've decided I'm worth more than the way I'm treated when someone is hurtful towards me because they don't like me. I've decided I'm worth more than the way I'm treated when someone disrespects me because they don't like me. I've decided I'm worth more than the way I'm treated when someone acts hurtfully, even when I can find a reason to excuse it.

Most of all, I've begun to realise that I'm worth at least the basic respect owed to everyone else in this life, and I'm no longer going to settle for less in order to give more.

I know this will come as a surprise to some people, and I'll try to remember that and be gentle as people around me adjust to this new me who is emerging from a cocoon of self-censure.

I'll try to remember that and be gentle with both others and myself as I discover that some people won't like the new me, that previously good friends will struggle to come to terms with this person who no longer accepts what has always been the status quo.

I will remind myself of my own worth as I gently bow out of relationships that are no longer healthy or helpful for me, and I will endeavour to do so gracefully in as respectful and kind manner as I can, without letting go of my goal - to be true to myself, my goals the life that is mine to live.

And world, I will remember to be grateful, even to the people to whom I am letting go, and the people who don't want to treat me the way I now realise I deserve. I hope I will allow those people to fuel my desire to respect and be respected in turn.

Thank you,
Chrysalis.

Sanguine Sunday

Sanguine Sunday is here again! Also, if you missed it, I made a post about invisiblity & responsibility yesterday. I wanted to put it up separately to Sanguine Sunday last time, but it's taken until now to get it written.

Anyhow, in the last few weeks I've hit a few milestones for myself as well as spending time working on some areas that've needed it - like getting to know my new (local) psychologist! I've had a few goals that I've not made, like going back to shelter where I volunteer, but on the whole I've done pretty well at staying on track of things - and most of the things I haven't followed through on have been influenced by outside factors (like the weather and my health). I've made some discoveries and explored a lot of thoughts, feelings, experiences and realisations that needed visiting.

More testing with the new psychologist has pointedly very strongly to DID and depersonalisation in particular (surprised? Yeah, me either), but of course the BPD label stays with me too. Therapy will be focused on what's causing the most problems in my life -- which at the moment is the old abandonment terrors and tendency to panic at the suggestion of rejection.


Success Stories:
I hit my six month sober date a few weeks ago.
I also made a full year with no suicide attempts.
Handled a couple of rough interpersonal situations.
I've been practicing a lot of thought challenge.



Gratitudes/Happy Things:
My beautiful niece had a great day out for her birthday. And so did I!
Giraffe tattoos.
Poppa bear & baby bear.
Reading.
Silly games.
Fry's Planet World -- must see this!



Challenge and cheer-leading statements:
There are people who care about me and want my company.
I don't believe in "good people" or "bad people" -- which means I can't BE a bad person.
I deserve the good things people say about me.




Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.

Wednesday Sanguine Saturday

Sorry for the delayed post, I'vre been busy and a bit reclusive since the weekend. To be honest, I'm doing it a bit tough just now. But I'm still moving forward, and that's always a positive thing. Last week is a bit vague in my mind, so these will probably be pretty short.



Success Stories:
No self harm.
Medication as appropriate!
I made changes to a plan I'd had with my brother, so he came up here and we had a picnic at the park; we'll be going to Movie World with my eldest niece next time he has her, instead.



Gratitudes/Happy Things:
My partner.
My sister-who-isn't.
My partner's daughter.
All the iPhone games I play.
My three little monkeys.
Knowing it's okay that I'm struggling, because I have supportive people in my life.



Challenge and cheer-leading statements:
Who I am is much more important than how I look.
It's okay to make healthy choices for myself.
It really is okay to not be perfect.
Just because something is scary doesn't mean I can't do it anyway.
I AM worth it.



Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.

Sanguine Saturday returns as Sanguine Sunday!

Hello world, I'm back!

The internet has finally been turned on here in our new place and that means Sanguine Saturday can return - as Sanguine Sunday, though. I missed you all and hope that things have been as calm as possible and that you're all doing well.

While I was away I achieved a number of things, some of which will probably be fairly evident and others that you may never know -- but *I* know I did them (even if many have now been forgotten in specifics), and that's pretty important.



Success Stories:
Since mid-December, I have only self harmed once, and it was minor.
I've been taking my medication appropriately.
Even though I supplied my pension card when I handed in my prescription, I was charged a non-pension price, so I went back and sorted it out! I got an apology and the excess money back.
I set myself a "productivity goal" and stuck to it.
I went to an induction to begin volunteer work at the local animal shelter. One more and then I get to start volunteering!
I've been working on building a support team for myself up here.
I handled a situation that was very upsetting for me, and I handled it in a manner that was appropriate.



Gratitudes/Happy Things:
Adam.
Having our own place.
Getting the internet on again!
iPhone games! (Does anyone play PetHouse, Fluff Friends, Dream Zoo or DragonVale?)
Books, movies and boardgames -- the things that kept me sane while I was internetless!
Housework, and knowing nobody's gonna yell at me if I do it the "wrong" way.
My nieces and nephew.
Kindness.
Shiny kitchens!
The apparent existence of Dogopoly.



Challenge and cheer-leading statements:
Who I am is much more important than how I look.
It's okay to make healthy choices for myself.
It really is okay to not be perfect.
Just because something is scary doesn't mean I can't do it anyway.
I AM worth it.



Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.

Sanguine SeaWorld Saturday!

Happy Saturday my friends. :)

Well, I have what I think is great news -- in the next couple of weeks, I'm moving! Adam and I have now confirmed that we have a place in Caboolture, which is way on the North side of Brisbane, almost on the Sunshine Coast. It's a two bedroom ground floor unit in a secure complex that has a pool, and I'm thrilled. We're just waiting on them fixing something up so we can move in. :D

Today's is a quick post as we're off to SeaWorld for the day. :)



Success Stories:
Still no self harm!
I stood up to my fear and went on a ride I've wanted to go on for years. As it turned out, I didn't like it and won't be doing it again, but I still stood up to that fear!
I set boundaries with a friend and stuck to them.
I've been working on telling myself that I look good.
I talked to my doctor and because I was well prepared, I got the medication I wanted prescribed to me.
I'm taking my new medicine appropriately.
Been getting lots of decluttering done and throwing out lots of things I don't need.
Threw out several SI tools.
I also threw out stuff I was holding onto from my wedding -- not because I felt like I "had" to, but because I honestly didn't want it anymore.
I swallowed my pride and asked my mother for a loan so I can attend my brother's wedding. She's thinking about it.



Gratitudes/Happy Things:
SeaWorld
MovieWorld
Giraffes
Adam
Moving!
Pocket Frogs (iPhone game)
Good friends
Dolphins
Excitement



Challenge and cheer-leading statements:
I look great!
It's okay to make healthy choices for myself.
It's okay to do things that other people don't approve of, too. It's my life I'm living, not theirs!
I have strength, determination and persistence. If I set my mind to this, I CAN do it.
I don't have to be perfect. If I make a mistake, people will still care about me.
Even if I don't feel it, who I am really is 'enough'. I don't have to make up for it.



Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.

Sanguine Saturday :)

Aww, things didn't quite pan out the way I was thinking with my news to share, so fingers crossed but it's looking likely for some time in the next couple of weeks. More to come later! ;)



Success Stories:
Still no self harm! I think we're in record territory again here. ;)
Because I know I don't always have the most realistic view on things, I arranged for Adam to be present during a doctor's appointment (tomorrow) to discuss a couple of things my doctor needs to know before I go on some OTC medication I want to take.
Managed to get a bit of stuff done in my room this week.
I've been reading again - a good sign for my concentration!
One thing I've been trying to do lately is downsize the amount of "stuff" I have, and I've been able to get rid of a fair bit this week.



Gratitudes/Happy Things:
Giraffes.
Pocket Frogs (the iPhone game).
Adam.
Hope.
Excitement.



Challenge and cheer-leading statements:
It's okay to make healthy choices for myself.
It's okay to do things that other people don't approve of, too. It's my life I'm living, not theirs!
I have strength, determination and persistence. If I set my mind to this, I CAN do it.
I don't have to be perfect. If I make a mistake, people will still care about me.
Even if I don't feel it, who I am really is 'enough'. I don't have to make up for it.



Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.

Sanguine... Wednesday? ;)

Oh dear, another very late Sanguine Saturday post. Things here have been a little bit crazy and a large bit busy, plus I was a bit ill with a headache for a couple of days. I've something big in the works, but I don't want to write about it until I know for sure what's happening, but hopefully by next week I'll have some good news to share.

I'm relatively stable at the moment, despite the crazy reasserting itself around the newness of my relationship and a few things going on with my physical health; I've fallen in love with a new song -- Beautiful by Bethany Dillon -- and become somewhat obsessed with an iPhone game called Pocket Frogs. If you have an iPhone you should definitely try it, it's adorable. :D



Success Stories:
Still NO self harm!
I'm working on some stuff that is a bit of an issue for me right now.
My weight has remained fairly stable despite the Christmassy eating I did.
I'm working on my boundaries still.
I'm still working on changing how I deal with things.




Gratitudes/Happy Things:
Giraffes.
Pocket Frogs.
New music.
Having things to look forward to.
Teasing (in a nice, fun way).
Mario Kart
Whoopin' people who think they're going to win at a race... :p





Challenge and cheer-leading statements:
It's okay to explore who I am. It's okay to have likes, dislikes and even *wants*.
Letting myself be loved and cared about isn't a bad thing.
It's okay to make healthier choices for myself.




Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.

Very Late Sanguine Saturday!

Oops. I forgot to take my laptop with me when I stayed over Adam's after my birthday... then didn't make it home until last night, whereupon I forgot to post!

Things are still going okay for me, despite "reality" and "the crazy" reasserting itself around the new things in my life - which is as expected. And for once I'm taking a much healthier approach and actually *talking* about things with my partner.
There were some hurts around my birthday, but on the whole the day was probably the best I've had in many years, for which I'm very grateful. Now it's the aftermath and that's not as bad as normal either, so I'm feeling more positive than I usually do about how things will go over the next little while.

The one big blight on things at the moment is that my unlimited sessions with my psychologist ran out and I'm now only able to get a maximum of 18 sessions with her this year - maybe even less. However, plans to move are stepping forward, with a few small changes that I'll be discussing with Sonia next time I see her before implementing, but if she thinks it's doable, it's something we'll look into within the month.



Success Stories:
Still no self harm
When a situation was upsetting me, I spoke to Adam and we left.
I spoke to the nurse about something very uncomfortable for me.
I'm continuing to explore and push at my boundaries (carefully)
I'm changing how I deal with things (into more constructive/positive coping techniques).



Gratitudes/Happy Things:
Feeling safe.
Adam.
Hope!
Fairy floss.
Beating Adam at the car racing (arcade). :p
Teasing and playing and having fun.



Challenge and cheer-leading statements:
It's okay to explore who I am. It's okay to have likes, dislikes and even *wants*.
Letting myself be loved and cared about isn't a bad thing.
It's okay to make healthier choices for myself.




Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.

Another Late Sanguine Saturday

Oops! I got so distracted I completely forgot it was Saturday... and then that it was Sunday! Oh well, better late than never, and since I've not been to sleep yet, I'm considering it still Sunday. ;)

It's been another lovely week, though I've noticed my usual birthday anxiety is beginning to rear up again. Never mind - on the plus side, most of my supports are back this week, just in time. ;)



Success Stories:
Still absolutely no self harm. Is this something of a record?
I followed the agreement Adam and I made -- even when he didn't! :p
I followed medical directions and since that didn't work, I'm going to follow through and speak to the nurse again tomorrow.
I'm continuing to explore and push gently at my boundaries in safe ways.
I handled some uncomfortable moments and difficult conversations instead of hiding and pretending nothing was going on.
I'm giving myself the opportunity to learn who I am.



Gratitudes/Happy Things:
Adam.
Feeling safe.
Giraffes.
Fruit mince pies and custard.
Beginning to learn about me!



Challenge and cheer-leading statements:
It's okay to let myself be cared about.
Just because someone is frustrated (or annoyed, or angry, or whatever emotion!) because of something I did doesn't mean that they don't like me anymore.
It's okay to allow myself to be vulnerable.
Exploring as an adult says nothing bad about me.
It's okay to be not comfortable with some things. It's okay to say no to those things.



Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.

Sanguine Sunday - New Years Day edition. :)

Happy New Year, everybody! I was going to post this up yesterday, but I was busy, and figured it was better to wait until today anyway so I could properly wish you all a good new year while I was at it. ;)

Things are continuing well for me, despite a few small hiccups. I'm doing better than I have in a long time, and as an added bonus, I'm actually happy! I'm feeling safe, in general, and it's really showing. Last night I kicked back on Adam's couch playing DDO and had a single drink -- with probably half a nip of vodka -- and felt no desire to get completely blind. It was lovely.



Success Stories:
I followed my plan on keeping myself as safe as possible while my support team are away.
No self harm.
Survived Christmas at my brother's place.
Continued exploring and gently pushing at my boundaries.
I spoke to my nurse about a physical concern I had, even though it was very embarassing for me.
I followed medical direction instead of pretending a problem didn't exist.
I'm giving myself the opportunity to learn how to be loved.



Gratitudes/Happy Things:
Giraffes.
DDO.
Cinnamon nuts.
Adam.
Falling asleep on Adam's lap/in his arms.
Feeling safe.
Catching up with friends.
Feeling loved.



Challenge and cheer-leading statements:
It's okay to let someone love/care for me.
Exploring my boundaries as an adult says nothing about my childhood.
It's okay to say no to things I'm uncomfortable with. Nothing bad will happen because of it.
It's okay to let someone in and be vulnerable.



Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.

Post-Christmas (Late) Sanguine Saturday

Well, I had inntended to post this up on Christmas day and wish you all a good one, but I was a little busier than I expected to be and wound up with no time to write a post up at all. I hope you all had a great Christmas and Boxing Day though!

Things are going well here still at the moment. I spent Christmas day with my family, and the night cuddled up with Adam (boyfriend). I'm spending most of my free time with Adam in general lately, and I'm barely at home. ;) Unfortunately this has meant not really being able to catch up with some of my friends, but the time with Adam is both enjoyable and healthy for me, so I think it does even out. And with most of my support team on holidays for the next few weeks, the less time on my own the better -- the urges to be destructive are still there (of course!) but much more easily managed when I'm out or with Adam than when I'm alone in my room.



Success Stories:
I formulated a plan for how to keep myself as well as possible while my support team are on holidays.
No self harm at all.
I worked through another example in my therapy homework and got it right.
I navigated some difficult conversations with my support team, instead of avoiding them completely.
I talked with Adam about some things that were bothering or worrying me.
I helped my mum with some of the Christmas "baking" she had to do for Christmas at my brother's place.
I got the kids' presents wrapped in time.
I've been exploring and gently pushing at my own boundaries.


Gratitudes/Happy Things:
Safe touch.
Adam.
Giraffes.
Christmas.
Christmas lights.
Safety.
Feeling like a princess.



Challenge and cheer-leading statements:
It's okay to look after myself.
Just becaause I've always reacted in a particular way doesn't mean I have to keep reacting in that way.
It's okay to make choices about my own body, and it's okay to say no to things I'm not comfortable with.
It's okay to be vulnerable sometimes.




Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.

Sanguine Saturday!

Goodness, it might only be a week since my last post, but my, how things have changed. For the first time since I've been living here (about 5 years I think), I am in a relationship again. We met about 4 years ago, so we know each other pretty well, which is good! He came prewarned about a lot of my issues ;) which is also a good start, and I think we're good for each other. He is definitely good for me!



Success Stories:
I followed medical directions.
I attempted my therapy homework worksheets - and admitted to Sonia when I was finding it too challenging.
I admitted my concerns about Sonia not being available over the Christmas break if things go a little wonky.
I spoke to my nurses about contraception. Not because it's a concern right now, but better sooner rather than too late, and also because my new medication is one that you absolutely cannot get pregnant on.
Only one incident of self harm!
No burning. No drinking.
I asked my brother if he would sell me his DSLR camera. In the end I decided to buy a different camera, but asking was still an achievement!
I'm making plans to ensure that my upcoming "traditionally difficult" days are less difficult. Like making sure I have plans for New Years!
I named the rest of the fish at Sonia's office and suggested another breed because they're talking about adding more fish.
I helped my mum out by making (minus the sticking-on of roofs) some matchbox advent calendars.

Gratitudes/Happy Things:
Good friends.
Adam
Better medication!
Fun plans
Christmas!
Late night walks
My new camera!



Challenge and cheer-leading statements:
Having trouble with my therapy homework doesn't make me stupid.
Being considered a parent is a privelege not a right. I have the right to make healthy and safe decisions about who I spend time with, no matter WHO they are.
It's okay to be properly vulnerable sometimes.



Don't forget to post up your own version of Sanguine Saturday (any day, any format as long as it's positive-focused!) and shoot me the link! If you're joining us in this challenge, I want to know about it. Finally, of course, don't forget to check out this week's list of Sanguine Saturday versions:
Lua of Almost Positive with Post-Weekend Positivity
Sairs of This Lunatic Express with Positive Sunday



Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.

Sanguine Saturday

Saturday snuck up while I wasn't watching! Before I write this week's Sanguine Saturday, though, I just wanted to say thank you to all of you for your support after my last post.


Success Stories:
I followed medical directions (mostly).
I did my homework and socialised with friends.
I won a prize during one of the bonus questions at trivia -- true, it was because I'm sad enough to recognise Spongebob from three characters (Gary, Karen and Patrick), but still! ;) A free drink is nothing to sneeze at, ya'll.
No burning.
Took the dentist information to the doctor so I could get started with a health care plan.
Did some self advocacy by requesting different medication as I wasn't happy with the side effects of the Avanza.
Managed to knuckle down and do two of the many cards I need to get busy making.
Had a very difficult conversation with my psychologist.
I named several of the fish at my Spychologist's office (Koda, Deb, Flo and maybe Freckles). Cartoon theme, apparently, because one of the other fish, a white Molly, has been named Kimba!



Gratitudes/Happy Things:
Friends.
Light night walks.
Books.
Scrapbooking & cardmaking.
Good doctors.
Cool new scrapbooking/cardmaking supplies.
Plans for fun activities.
Trivia.
Coke Zero.



Challenge and cheer-leading statements:
It's okay to have emotions.
Going into hospital wasn't a failure. I took responsibility for my health and I did what I needed to do to work towards better health.
Just because something might look like a personal rejection doesn't mean it is.
It's allowed and okay to want things.



Don't forget to post up your own version of Sanguine Saturday (any day, any format as long as it's positive-focused!) and shoot me the link! If you're joining us in this challenge, I want to know about it. Finally, of course, don't forget to check out this week's list of Sanguine Saturday versions:
Lua of Almost Positive with Weekend Positivity



Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.

Sanguine Saturday

I know my last SS post was only a couple of days ago, but it *is* Saturday, and that means it's time for another SS post!

A lot of this week has been much like last week, and I do intend to write a post over the next little while with a bit of an update on what's been going on and where I'm at just now, but time, energy and shame factors are holding me back at the moment.



Success Stories:
I think I'm just shy of 3 months sober (again).
No burning.
I've complied with medical stuff all week.
I faced my fear and visited some people in a setting that made me anxious (and was glad I did, as my visit seemed to have brightened their day).
I've been stretching my touch boundaries again.



Gratitudes/Happy Things:
Giraffes.
My Spychology centre now has fish as well as Cayle the therapy puppy! AND I get to name one of them!
Books.
Music.
Good friends.
Silly (and distracty) games.
New friends.
Seeing Alan Davies Life Is Pain this week!



Challenge and cheer-leading statements:
I can choose whether to act on my thoughts.
Sometimes it's okay to sit and "be" with an emotion.
It's okay to not be perfect and to make mistakes sometimes.



Don't forget to post up your own version of Sanguine Saturday (any day, any format as long as it's positive-focused!) and shoot me the link! If you're joining us in this challenge, I want to know about it. Finally, of course, don't forget to check out this week's list of Sanguine Saturday versions:
Lua of Almost Positive with Weekend Positivity



Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.

Sanguine Saturday from my week away

Last week's Sanguine Saturday, finally being posted on my return!


Success Stories:
I was honest with my treatment team, even when I knew I wouldn't like the consequences.
I tidied my bedroom.
I kept myself safe (even when I didn't want to).
I asked for help from someone I don't normally "lean" on.
I accepted things graciously.
I told my nurse something relevant to my treatment that I hadn't previously shared with her.
I asked my nurse for a hug because I wanted one (huuuuuuuuuuuuge thing!)
I started making more solid moving plans.



Positives:
* Giraffes
* Fruit
* Rice/Corn cakes
* Coke Zero
* Soft toys
* Felt pens/colours
* People liking something I did



Challenges:
If everyone else has worth, who is to say I don't, too?
People have no reason to lie about liking osmething I did.
It's okay to do things to keep myself safe and to look after myself.



Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.

Sanguine Saturday

Phew, another busy day! I've been sorting out Christmas presents over the last few days, and hanging out with a mate, which has been great.

I'm not sure if I'll be around for next week's post, I'm thinking of going away for a bit without my laptop this week, and I'm not sure if I'll go for just a couple of days or if I'll take a week (or more!). If I'm not around a computer to post on Saturday, I'll just have to write one up and type it at a later date.



Success Stories:
I went to a movie with my mate and chose the movie. Which didn't turn out to be the best choice I could've made, but I think he's forgiven me anyway. ;) (He'll just have to choose next time!)
I followed health care directions, even though I really wanted to do the exact opposite.
I managed to do a couple of things that were extremely difficult for me.
When trivia was cancelled again, I didn't play the avoidance game by telling Liz not to come.
I came up with suggestions on what to do as an alternative.
I baked a (healthier) apricot and walnut loaf for my mum's friend to take to work, and everyone said it was great.



Gratitudes/Happy Things:
Giraffes.
Christmas is nearly here!
Pretty earrings.
Pretty clothes.
Apple and cinnamon flavoured rice cakes!




Challenge and cheer-leading statements:
It's okay to do something towards looking after my health.
Neither feelings nor thoughts are facts.
It's okay to let someone do something nice for me sometimes.




Don't forget to post up your own version of Sanguine Saturday (any day, any format as long as it's positive-focused!) and shoot me the link! If you're joining us in this challenge, I want to know about it. Finally, of course, don't forget to check out this week's list of Sanguine Saturday versions:
Lua of Almost Positive with Weekend Positivity
Sairs of This Lunatic Express with Positive Friday



Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.