This blog is part of my recovery, and I would like it to remain a safe place for me to share parts of myself and my life that people close to me may or may not know. As a result, while I'm not going crazy with privacy settings, I do ask that if you find this on your own and suspect you may know me, please respect my privacy by checking with us before reading any further. This obviously doesn't apply if one of us has given you the link!

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Returning To Sanguine Saturday

So apparently I'm not going to post about what's going on before I do this, so I'm just going to do this. I've missed two? three? weeks now in a row, and that's not good.

Success Stories:
I asked for (and got) an increased dose in my medication when it stopped being effective.

When an acquaintance online made a comment that was incredibly unfair and (I feel) unacceptable, I was able to use my skills to handle both the discussion and my distress in an appropriate manner. I also referred the matter on to get the opinion of appropriate afterwards about what to do if a similar situation ever reoccurs.

I am beginning the process of recognition, labelling and acceptance that my mother is abusive, which leads me to my next achievement...

I made what is possibly the second biggest decision of my life... I'm moving to Canberra!

I'm learning that "responsibility" does not equate to "fault". I have a degree of responsibility for the interactions I have as an adult - but that doesn't necessarily make it my fault if those interactions are negative!

I was able to sort through some of my belongings and separate a large group for an eventual garage sale - an achievement both as a step towards my end goal (moving) and as an overcoming comfort zones thing (I am a hoarder... I *hate* getting rid of anything!) Apparently a third side of this is that I am saving money by taking positive action - which is a mini achievement in and of itself.

While I was in Canberra, when I discovered that I had accidentally brought a tool, and I couldn't guarantee that having it wouldn't mean using it, I was able to do the right thing and give the tool to my friend so that I wouldn't give in to temptation.

I was able to reach out during some really rough days.

I may not always make the best choices, but for the most part I'm making better ones than I was doing this time last year (and maybe that's good enough, just now).

Gratitudes List/Things that make me happy:
I got to feed a giraffe on my holiday! Several times!
I also got to pat a dingo; feed otters, a tiger, a white lion, a snow leopard and an eland; have a European brown bear lick my hand clean of food; and my inner children got to hold a snake.
Seeing snow and sledding and making a snow angel.
Great friends, both old and new.
Being included in my friend's role-play games.
Being able to have a face-to-face chat with Kelly.
Crazy cookies, because they're a reminder that I can still see the lighter side of things.
Giraffes in general.
Music and the soothing feeling of typing out lyrics as the song plays.

Cheer-leading statements:
A hiccup is just a hiccup. It doesn't have to be more than that.
I can tackle this moving thing just fine! If I start to feel overwhelmed, I have lots of skills I can use to manage that.
I can make choices for myself that will lead to the things I want out of my life.
It is okay to look after myself.
It's okay to feel however I feel.

Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.


  1. "Being included in my friend's role-play games." hee.hehehe. if i didn't know the story behind this, i think i would have construed this statement very differently.

    "I'm learning that "responsibility" does not equate to "fault". I have a degree of responsibility for the interactions I have as an adult - but that doesn't necessarily make it my fault if those interactions are negative!"
    totally. and it doesn't necessarily mean it's the other person's fault either, imo

    nice to see you back here.

  2. I really liked this post and I think you're doing awesome. I had a tool in my pocket for a bit this week but managed to put it away. I am so glad I did and I am so glad you did.

    Oh by the way, since you've been away, I have started a competition which ends tonight (sunday night), where I am giving away four of my handmade cards to some lucky winner. One of them is the giraffe card. Don't feel pressured to enter at all, just since you like giraffes and you like the card when I made it, thought I'd let you know, just follow this link.

    I wish you well in moving. I find moving awful myself but it's because I have too much stuff! Glad you got to play in snow and feed animals. I find feeding animals so relaxing, except the scary ones of course. I can't fathom touching a snake, the idea makes me shiver.


  3. Congratulations -- you certainly are moving forward, and this is something to be proud of! I'm very happy for you and hope this continues! :) Keep writing

  4. Sonya: Haha! You've spent too much time with Saira and Eeyah and Caz, I think. :P

    Sarah: Thanks! I'm glad you were able to take the tool out of your pocket. That's a huge step. Sorry I missed your contest - I did see it and I wanted to enter, but I couldn't think of anything imaginative to say!
    I definitely have "too much stuff" as well. I'll be having a garage sale or something to get rid of as much as I can before I go, I think. One thing's for sure, though -- my scrapbooking and cardmaking supplies are coming with me!

    bpdisme: Thank you. :)