Oops. Sorry for the extreme lateness of this one. I have to be honest -- at first I was deliberately not posting this because I was doing very poorly and I was not being healthy about it. Since then, though, I did make the decision to post it but got distracted and busy instead! So, ignoring this week so far, here's last week's Sanguine Saturday!
Success Stories:
Although I did almost buy a bottle of vodka (even stood in the store holding it for about half an hour), I did put it back and walk out without it.
No drinking.
I made some small decisions.
I met two more of my friends who I hadn't met yet!
Gratitudes/Happy Things:
New types of sweets
Time with friends
Kitties
Challenge and cheer-leading statements (I really struggled with these this week - I'm having a lot of trouble working out what is accurate/appropriate):
Feelings aren't facts.
It's better to try and get it wrong than just to give up.
It will pass if I let it.
Apologies for the lack, but no outward links again this week. I think I probably will post less links while I'm away, but feel free as always to link in a comment to my SS posts if you do your own version! I still want to read and I'm sure others do, too!
Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Sanguine Saturday in Scotland
I move on to Manchester on Monday. I'm going to miss Scotland!
Success Stories:
No drinking.
No burning.
I had the option to let someone else order my food for me (easier but not healthy for me when I can do it myself) or order my own (challenging but healthier), and I made the choice to order my own.
I was brave and tried haggis. It actually tastes quite nice.
I made some simple decisions in a reasonable timeframe.
Gratitudes/Happy Things:
Being able to help someone when they needed it.
Spending time with my best friend.
Finding a giraffe shaped lollipop.
Pub trivia.
Music.
Challenge and cheer-leading statements:
Feelings aren't facts.
Having a hard time while on holiday doesn't mean anything about me except that I'm having a hard time.
I don't have to be perfect to be liked.
It's okay to let people know I'm having a hard time.
It will pass if I let it.
Apologies for the lack, but no outward links again this week. I think I probably will post less links while I'm away, but feel free as always to link in a comment to my SS posts if you do your own version! I still want to read and I'm sure others do, too!
Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.
Success Stories:
No drinking.
No burning.
I had the option to let someone else order my food for me (easier but not healthy for me when I can do it myself) or order my own (challenging but healthier), and I made the choice to order my own.
I was brave and tried haggis. It actually tastes quite nice.
I made some simple decisions in a reasonable timeframe.
Gratitudes/Happy Things:
Being able to help someone when they needed it.
Spending time with my best friend.
Finding a giraffe shaped lollipop.
Pub trivia.
Music.
Challenge and cheer-leading statements:
Feelings aren't facts.
Having a hard time while on holiday doesn't mean anything about me except that I'm having a hard time.
I don't have to be perfect to be liked.
It's okay to let people know I'm having a hard time.
It will pass if I let it.
Apologies for the lack, but no outward links again this week. I think I probably will post less links while I'm away, but feel free as always to link in a comment to my SS posts if you do your own version! I still want to read and I'm sure others do, too!
Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Sanguine Sunday
Man, have I really been in the UK three weeks already? Unreal! Can't believe I almost forgot to post this, too!
This week has been a little rough intermixed with really awesome. I've been catching myself reacting to my emotions in ways that I'm not very keen on (mostly to do with food), but for the most part I don't have the energy to fight against that too, so I'm letting it go for now. It's not healthy but it's not altogether destructive, either.
Success Stories:
No drinking.
Made it to an AA meeting here in Scotland. Only actually understood about half of what was said, but that's okay.
I found the AA meeting all by myself, and then navigated myself into the city! Since navigation is not a strong point of mine, there was a real urge to throw up my hands and put it in the too hard basket (especially since I was feeling quite anxious about the meeting anyway), but I didn't.
I survived a night full of strangers, and actually enjoyed myself in the end.
No burning.
I made some decisions! I decided what tours I was going to do, with which company, and then booked myself on two.
I've been making an effort to talk to strangers, even ones who don't have a child or animal in tow. I learned that it's less scary to me if I start the conversation.
I identified (with help) something that was making things hard for me (not having been properly creative in way too long), and I did something about it by going to a craft shop and buying supplies for paper mosaicing.
Gratitudes/Happy Things:
Giraffes.
Scottish candy (or, to be fair, pretty much any candy).
Spending time with my best friend.
Playing darts for the first time since I was little (I SO need to put a dart board up).
Singing.
Avenue Q.
Challenge and cheer-leading statements:
Feelings are not facts.
Someone can be upset at me and still care about me.
Things aren't black and white. There is grey in everything (and that's okay).
I really mean that first one. Really. Feelings are not facts.
Apologies for the lack, but no outward links again this week. I think I probably will post less links while I'm away, but feel free as always to link in a comment to my SS posts if you do your own version! I still want to read and I'm sure others do, too!
Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.
This week has been a little rough intermixed with really awesome. I've been catching myself reacting to my emotions in ways that I'm not very keen on (mostly to do with food), but for the most part I don't have the energy to fight against that too, so I'm letting it go for now. It's not healthy but it's not altogether destructive, either.
Success Stories:
No drinking.
Made it to an AA meeting here in Scotland. Only actually understood about half of what was said, but that's okay.
I found the AA meeting all by myself, and then navigated myself into the city! Since navigation is not a strong point of mine, there was a real urge to throw up my hands and put it in the too hard basket (especially since I was feeling quite anxious about the meeting anyway), but I didn't.
I survived a night full of strangers, and actually enjoyed myself in the end.
No burning.
I made some decisions! I decided what tours I was going to do, with which company, and then booked myself on two.
I've been making an effort to talk to strangers, even ones who don't have a child or animal in tow. I learned that it's less scary to me if I start the conversation.
I identified (with help) something that was making things hard for me (not having been properly creative in way too long), and I did something about it by going to a craft shop and buying supplies for paper mosaicing.
Gratitudes/Happy Things:
Giraffes.
Scottish candy (or, to be fair, pretty much any candy).
Spending time with my best friend.
Playing darts for the first time since I was little (I SO need to put a dart board up).
Singing.
Avenue Q.
Challenge and cheer-leading statements:
Feelings are not facts.
Someone can be upset at me and still care about me.
Things aren't black and white. There is grey in everything (and that's okay).
I really mean that first one. Really. Feelings are not facts.
Apologies for the lack, but no outward links again this week. I think I probably will post less links while I'm away, but feel free as always to link in a comment to my SS posts if you do your own version! I still want to read and I'm sure others do, too!
Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Alcohol Recovery: On Being Selfish & Feeling Guilty
As we sat and worked together on my relapse prevention plan, Michele and I discussed various aspects of what I would be facing on my trip in terms of alcohol stressors. I identified some of the major ones quite easily - I, for example, expected a large portion of my friends would be drinking when we went to the pub, and that this, in turn, would prove difficult for me.
We hashed out strategies like leaving the room, taking a short walk, even just going to the bathroom. We talked about saying no. And Michele made a suggestion, I don't even remember what exactly it was, but I balked. She wanted me to be selfish. Now, don't get me wrong. I can be selfish. I'm pretty good at being selfish -- when it's unintentional. What I struggle with is the idea of deliberately setting out to be selfish (or even, to a degree, getting my needs/wishes/desires met or recognised).
So... I balked. We discussed it, I still wasn't comfortable with it. We didn't write it down as a strategy because we knew I was too uncomfortable with it to use it. And then a situation came up that it sort of got used rather by accident.
Sat around the table after dinner, everyone began discussing where we'd go next - whether we'd have a drink or go our separate ways (which, admittedly, wasn't entirely all that separate). A few people expressed an interest in going for an alcoholic drink and my best friend turned to me to ask how I felt about that plan.
Now, bear in mind, please, that by this stage I'd been around someone who was drinking almost every day for almost a week. The night previous I'd had to bail on my friends because I couldn't handle the pub atmosphere. I was very aware in that moment that if I went to a pub with my friends, I would not have been able and willing to stop myself ordering a drink. My reserves were at a minimum - beer looked good.
I admitted that if "they" were to go to a pub, I wouldn't be joining them. Not really my style, I'm better at tagging along and forcing myself to just cope with it until I can't anymore - better that than what transpired...
Because my friends decided that they wouldn't go to a pub. They wouldn't go for an alcoholic drink and we would instead go to Starbucks. (Which turned out to be closed, adding more difficulty and more guilt.)
And it was the sweetest, most lovely gesture. And I can't even put in words how much I struggled with that. Because now everybody was accommodating to my wishes, to my selfishness. And that's exactly how I felt - selfish.
They wouldn't need to, if only I could drink responsibly.
They wouldn't need to, if only I could be a grown up.
They wouldn't need to, if only I could suck it up.
They wouldn't need to, if only I could act like a normal, sane person.
They wouldn't need to, if only I wasn't such a screw up.
They wouldn't need to, if only I wasn't so weak.
If only, if only, if only.
I could carry the if onlys on but there's no point in rehashing all of them, because they're not separately relevant. There are a thousand reasons I was uncomfortable with everyone changing their plans to accommodate me - and while in some ways, all of them matter -- in the ways that count right now, none of them do except that I felt so selfish.
I felt, too, that I had forced my friends into the position where they had to choose between spending time with me and doing what they wanted, and that's something I'm very uncomfortable with, as a whole. (And it takes very little evaluating to see that this is probably where a part of my difficulty in making decisions that involve other people in any way comes from.)
In the time since that night, I've done some work on teasing out the stuff behind that, and one of the things I found was that (in addition to and separate from my belief that I as a person don't deserve concessions because my worth is less than others - which is a whole separate thing that after years still needs serious work) I believe that since this is my own fault, I have no right to concessions for it. If, for example, my knee was causing a problem and everybody wanted to climb Mount Everest, and I were to say "I'm not capable of that, let's hike Mount Gravatt instead" and people changed their plans to accommodate that, I would be far less uncomfortable...
But my knee is not the problem. My alcoholism is. My desperate need/wish/desire (I'm not sure which one best fits the way I feel about it though I know need is not physically accurate) to drink something that is going to destroy me if I don't force myself to stay away from it is the problem. And that's my own fault, my responsibility. How dare I put someone in the position to choose between something they enjoy and me?
And if they choose me, how can I allow myself to not feel guilty about that when I feel like they've chosen the raw end of the stick.
I am, as is probably obvious in this post, still struggling with how to find my balance and peace in this issue. Recovery is hard, and everything is still so tangled together.
Challenges and Cheerleading:
It's okay for people to choose me over drinking.
It's okay to say I'm not going to do something, even if that's what everyone else wants to do.
No matter what lies I tell myself, I am actually no longer capable of having "just one drink".
It's not worth the cost to drink.
Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.
We hashed out strategies like leaving the room, taking a short walk, even just going to the bathroom. We talked about saying no. And Michele made a suggestion, I don't even remember what exactly it was, but I balked. She wanted me to be selfish. Now, don't get me wrong. I can be selfish. I'm pretty good at being selfish -- when it's unintentional. What I struggle with is the idea of deliberately setting out to be selfish (or even, to a degree, getting my needs/wishes/desires met or recognised).
So... I balked. We discussed it, I still wasn't comfortable with it. We didn't write it down as a strategy because we knew I was too uncomfortable with it to use it. And then a situation came up that it sort of got used rather by accident.
Sat around the table after dinner, everyone began discussing where we'd go next - whether we'd have a drink or go our separate ways (which, admittedly, wasn't entirely all that separate). A few people expressed an interest in going for an alcoholic drink and my best friend turned to me to ask how I felt about that plan.
Now, bear in mind, please, that by this stage I'd been around someone who was drinking almost every day for almost a week. The night previous I'd had to bail on my friends because I couldn't handle the pub atmosphere. I was very aware in that moment that if I went to a pub with my friends, I would not have been able and willing to stop myself ordering a drink. My reserves were at a minimum - beer looked good.
I admitted that if "they" were to go to a pub, I wouldn't be joining them. Not really my style, I'm better at tagging along and forcing myself to just cope with it until I can't anymore - better that than what transpired...
Because my friends decided that they wouldn't go to a pub. They wouldn't go for an alcoholic drink and we would instead go to Starbucks. (Which turned out to be closed, adding more difficulty and more guilt.)
And it was the sweetest, most lovely gesture. And I can't even put in words how much I struggled with that. Because now everybody was accommodating to my wishes, to my selfishness. And that's exactly how I felt - selfish.
They wouldn't need to, if only I could drink responsibly.
They wouldn't need to, if only I could be a grown up.
They wouldn't need to, if only I could suck it up.
They wouldn't need to, if only I could act like a normal, sane person.
They wouldn't need to, if only I wasn't such a screw up.
They wouldn't need to, if only I wasn't so weak.
If only, if only, if only.
I could carry the if onlys on but there's no point in rehashing all of them, because they're not separately relevant. There are a thousand reasons I was uncomfortable with everyone changing their plans to accommodate me - and while in some ways, all of them matter -- in the ways that count right now, none of them do except that I felt so selfish.
I felt, too, that I had forced my friends into the position where they had to choose between spending time with me and doing what they wanted, and that's something I'm very uncomfortable with, as a whole. (And it takes very little evaluating to see that this is probably where a part of my difficulty in making decisions that involve other people in any way comes from.)
In the time since that night, I've done some work on teasing out the stuff behind that, and one of the things I found was that (in addition to and separate from my belief that I as a person don't deserve concessions because my worth is less than others - which is a whole separate thing that after years still needs serious work) I believe that since this is my own fault, I have no right to concessions for it. If, for example, my knee was causing a problem and everybody wanted to climb Mount Everest, and I were to say "I'm not capable of that, let's hike Mount Gravatt instead" and people changed their plans to accommodate that, I would be far less uncomfortable...
But my knee is not the problem. My alcoholism is. My desperate need/wish/desire (I'm not sure which one best fits the way I feel about it though I know need is not physically accurate) to drink something that is going to destroy me if I don't force myself to stay away from it is the problem. And that's my own fault, my responsibility. How dare I put someone in the position to choose between something they enjoy and me?
And if they choose me, how can I allow myself to not feel guilty about that when I feel like they've chosen the raw end of the stick.
I am, as is probably obvious in this post, still struggling with how to find my balance and peace in this issue. Recovery is hard, and everything is still so tangled together.
Challenges and Cheerleading:
It's okay for people to choose me over drinking.
It's okay to say I'm not going to do something, even if that's what everyone else wants to do.
No matter what lies I tell myself, I am actually no longer capable of having "just one drink".
It's not worth the cost to drink.
Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Sanguine Saturday in Leeds
It seems so hard to believe it's only been a week since my last Sanguine Saturday as it feels like so much has happened, and yet time seems to be flying past me on my holiday. It needs to slow down because I'm really enjoying myself for the most part, and although I'm less 'sane' than I'd hoped to be, I'm still doing loads better than I was at home.
Success Stories:
No drinking - and this is made even more huge by the situations I've been in for a lot of the past week -- in addition to staying with some people who drink fairly heavily, I also was in a couple of different pubs around people I know who were drinking, and part of a large-scale group meetup where I was almost the only one who didn't drink.
No SI of any kind. Also quite huge, this is the longest I've been without any form of SI in (I think) a year.
I survived the tube in London! Not always unscathed, not always brilliantly, but I stuck it out and didn't get out before my stop at any point.
I socialised, and (hopefully) came across as fairly normal and sane, for the most part. I met people I didn't know, people I've known for years and adored but not actually met in person, and one person I'd met in person before.
I coped with someone I love being mad at me.
I actually approached someone who did something that was unintentionally uncomfortable for me to let them know so that they didn't do it again.
I held what was possibly the longest "my crazy" conversation I've ever had offline - twice - and didn't even cry during one of them. (Always a bonus.)
I made decisions! Small ones, and mostly they took me a long time to actually make, but that's okay.
Not really along the same lines as others here this week but... I've been taking some touristy photographs -- ones that will be suitable for scrapbooking later.
Gratitudes/Happy Things:
Knowing amazing people.
Squirrels! Hamsters! Pet chipmunks! Ferrets! Bunnies!
Beautiful and friendly cats.
Getting decent photographs.
Making good memories
Random lovely messages (even from people who I made seasick with my inability to stand still for a day!).
Kindness.
Challenge and cheer-leading statements:
My friends aren't going to just stop loving me. Proper friendship doesn't work that way.
It's okay to ask for things.
Most of the people I know have pretty good boundaries. It's okay to trust in their own ability to look after themselves.
It really is okay to want things or to decide what I do or don't like.
Just because someone is mad at me doesn't mean they will walk out of my life.
Apologies for the lack, but no outward links again this week. I think I probably will post less links while I'm away, but feel free as always to link in a comment to my SS posts if you do your own version! I still want to read and I'm sure others do, too!
Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.
Success Stories:
No drinking - and this is made even more huge by the situations I've been in for a lot of the past week -- in addition to staying with some people who drink fairly heavily, I also was in a couple of different pubs around people I know who were drinking, and part of a large-scale group meetup where I was almost the only one who didn't drink.
No SI of any kind. Also quite huge, this is the longest I've been without any form of SI in (I think) a year.
I survived the tube in London! Not always unscathed, not always brilliantly, but I stuck it out and didn't get out before my stop at any point.
I socialised, and (hopefully) came across as fairly normal and sane, for the most part. I met people I didn't know, people I've known for years and adored but not actually met in person, and one person I'd met in person before.
I coped with someone I love being mad at me.
I actually approached someone who did something that was unintentionally uncomfortable for me to let them know so that they didn't do it again.
I held what was possibly the longest "my crazy" conversation I've ever had offline - twice - and didn't even cry during one of them. (Always a bonus.)
I made decisions! Small ones, and mostly they took me a long time to actually make, but that's okay.
Not really along the same lines as others here this week but... I've been taking some touristy photographs -- ones that will be suitable for scrapbooking later.
Gratitudes/Happy Things:
Knowing amazing people.
Squirrels! Hamsters! Pet chipmunks! Ferrets! Bunnies!
Beautiful and friendly cats.
Getting decent photographs.
Making good memories
Random lovely messages (even from people who I made seasick with my inability to stand still for a day!).
Kindness.
Challenge and cheer-leading statements:
My friends aren't going to just stop loving me. Proper friendship doesn't work that way.
It's okay to ask for things.
Most of the people I know have pretty good boundaries. It's okay to trust in their own ability to look after themselves.
It really is okay to want things or to decide what I do or don't like.
Just because someone is mad at me doesn't mean they will walk out of my life.
Apologies for the lack, but no outward links again this week. I think I probably will post less links while I'm away, but feel free as always to link in a comment to my SS posts if you do your own version! I still want to read and I'm sure others do, too!
Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Midweek Musings: Some Thoughts On Touch
London is a huge learning experience for me in so many ways. One of the first things I did here was to take part in a large meet up with some of my fjriends from the internet. This in itself is a huge step as I have been talking to some (most!) of them for several years and never entirely believed I would actually be fortunate enough to get to know them in person, not even for a tiny little while -- but there were certainly other aspects that made this an absolutely enormous deal, too.
In amongst all of the small nudges of learning and skill development (and I'm trying very hard to use every uncomfortable thing as an opportunity to practice my skills), one of the big things that is coming up for me is my response to touch.
Most people who know me are aware that in general I am extremely uncomfortable with the concept of hugs and tacticle experiences - even to the point of actively disliking internet "hugs" (and other forms of touch) most of the time. It's one thing I have generally managed to have quite clear and consistent boundaries on online and sometimes in person - you don't get to touch me without my permission, even if other times I've been okay with it.
That said, and with acknowledgement and awareness of the fact that the "don't touch" boundaries have been quite heavy lately due to recent experiences, one thing I knew I really wanted to do despite everything, was to try and hug these friends while I have the opportunity, because who knows when I'll have another chance!
I went on to actually achieve this very well, and at first I properly surprised myself with how easy it all was. I expected some pretty big repercussions but there were no horrid flashbacks, no sudden memories crashing in on me -- just quiet recognition that it didn't feel like I needed to take off running and get away.
I doubt I've ever hugged so many people so much, and I don't regret doing it, but I was wrong that there were no repercussions or consequences of it, I just didn't see them at first because they looked so different to what I was expecting to see.
This time, instead of a straight jump from experience to flashback/memories, I had some different thought processes in between (although I didn't properly see them until a few days later). Some of the biggest of these were things like
"If I say yes to one person hugging me, I have to say yes to everyone who would want/give/take a hug."
"If I enjoy touch in this form, I am both asking to be hurt, and responsible for this eventuality."
I also have noticed in myself a very strong belief that others will find me dirty -- I was surprised any time anyone wanted to touch me, or accepted touch from me, and kept expecting them to get up and wash their hands/shower every time.
And now, days later, the thought patterns are beginning to trigger off some of those old problems... yet I am still feeling 'huggy'. Some of the people from the meet are still here, and I still want to hug them - it still feels safe and comfortable to hug them.
I'm finding this really tricky to navigate - though I still think despite everything, this is a huge step forward for me, and above all I am tremendously grateful I've had the opportunity(ies!) to explore this.
Challenges/cheerleading statements:
Every person and every situation is different. If I'm not comfortable hugging someone - whether that is in general, or in (a) specific circumstance, it's okay to say no.
Enjoying a specific instance of touch that I choose to allow is not the same as saying I asked for someone to take action against my body without my consent.
My past has not made me unclean.
Until next time, may you all find your own small fences along the way.
In amongst all of the small nudges of learning and skill development (and I'm trying very hard to use every uncomfortable thing as an opportunity to practice my skills), one of the big things that is coming up for me is my response to touch.
Most people who know me are aware that in general I am extremely uncomfortable with the concept of hugs and tacticle experiences - even to the point of actively disliking internet "hugs" (and other forms of touch) most of the time. It's one thing I have generally managed to have quite clear and consistent boundaries on online and sometimes in person - you don't get to touch me without my permission, even if other times I've been okay with it.
That said, and with acknowledgement and awareness of the fact that the "don't touch" boundaries have been quite heavy lately due to recent experiences, one thing I knew I really wanted to do despite everything, was to try and hug these friends while I have the opportunity, because who knows when I'll have another chance!
I went on to actually achieve this very well, and at first I properly surprised myself with how easy it all was. I expected some pretty big repercussions but there were no horrid flashbacks, no sudden memories crashing in on me -- just quiet recognition that it didn't feel like I needed to take off running and get away.
I doubt I've ever hugged so many people so much, and I don't regret doing it, but I was wrong that there were no repercussions or consequences of it, I just didn't see them at first because they looked so different to what I was expecting to see.
This time, instead of a straight jump from experience to flashback/memories, I had some different thought processes in between (although I didn't properly see them until a few days later). Some of the biggest of these were things like
"If I say yes to one person hugging me, I have to say yes to everyone who would want/give/take a hug."
"If I enjoy touch in this form, I am both asking to be hurt, and responsible for this eventuality."
I also have noticed in myself a very strong belief that others will find me dirty -- I was surprised any time anyone wanted to touch me, or accepted touch from me, and kept expecting them to get up and wash their hands/shower every time.
And now, days later, the thought patterns are beginning to trigger off some of those old problems... yet I am still feeling 'huggy'. Some of the people from the meet are still here, and I still want to hug them - it still feels safe and comfortable to hug them.
I'm finding this really tricky to navigate - though I still think despite everything, this is a huge step forward for me, and above all I am tremendously grateful I've had the opportunity(ies!) to explore this.
Challenges/cheerleading statements:
Every person and every situation is different. If I'm not comfortable hugging someone - whether that is in general, or in (a) specific circumstance, it's okay to say no.
Enjoying a specific instance of touch that I choose to allow is not the same as saying I asked for someone to take action against my body without my consent.
My past has not made me unclean.
Until next time, may you all find your own small fences along the way.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Sanguine Saturday in Ireland
Goodness! Here I am in the United Kingdom! It's been a huge week for me. I suspect that's going to be true of every week for the next little while. ;) I've been in Belfast since Monday, and I head to London tomorrow.
I feel so much more brave and confident here, it's amazing. I realised at some point just how far away my father is right now and it was like a coat of anxiety that I took off. I don't have to worry about him calling or turning up or anything at all like that, I don't have to be so terrified that anything I do or say will be carried back to him through his connections. I'm half a world away and it's wonderful.
Success Stories:
No burning.
No drinking.
Actually, no self harm of any kind!
I spent an entire day sitting with some incredibly uncomfortable feelings.
When I started getting overwhelmed I followed my RPP.
I handled an incredibly stressful situation -- due to delays on my first flights & a loooong hold up at UK Border Security, I missed my connecting flight to Ireland and was told that I would have to pay around $500 (au) in order to take a flight that day as there were no economy seats left. Not what you want to hear 29 hours after you've left your home airport! After reaching out for support and help (another success!), I was able to use my skills to return to the BMI desk and ask to be placed on standby -- a quick explanation and the lovely man there put me straight on a plane that I'd been told was booked solid for economy. (And I later counted at least a half dozen empty seats...)
I've been using my skills a lot to manage anxiety and other uncomfortable feelings.
Gratitudes/Happy Things:
Kindness
Amazing people
Soft toys
Ice cream vending machines
Huge-normous stores that have EVERYTHING in them!
Photography
Making memories of a good kind
Beautiful sights
Climbing inside the ruins of castles and towers and amazing things that were started as early as the 12th century, and touching it and feeling that history singing through the stones.
Challenge and cheer-leading statements:
I've come across the other side of the WORLD. I can do [whatever] too!
Who says I don't deserve this?
I'm an okay person.
It's okay to look after myself.
Apologies for the lack, but no outward links again this week. I think I probably will post less links while I'm away, but feel free as always to link in a comment to my SS posts if you do your own version! I still want to read and I'm sure others do, too!
Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.
I feel so much more brave and confident here, it's amazing. I realised at some point just how far away my father is right now and it was like a coat of anxiety that I took off. I don't have to worry about him calling or turning up or anything at all like that, I don't have to be so terrified that anything I do or say will be carried back to him through his connections. I'm half a world away and it's wonderful.
Success Stories:
No burning.
No drinking.
Actually, no self harm of any kind!
I spent an entire day sitting with some incredibly uncomfortable feelings.
When I started getting overwhelmed I followed my RPP.
I handled an incredibly stressful situation -- due to delays on my first flights & a loooong hold up at UK Border Security, I missed my connecting flight to Ireland and was told that I would have to pay around $500 (au) in order to take a flight that day as there were no economy seats left. Not what you want to hear 29 hours after you've left your home airport! After reaching out for support and help (another success!), I was able to use my skills to return to the BMI desk and ask to be placed on standby -- a quick explanation and the lovely man there put me straight on a plane that I'd been told was booked solid for economy. (And I later counted at least a half dozen empty seats...)
I've been using my skills a lot to manage anxiety and other uncomfortable feelings.
Gratitudes/Happy Things:
Kindness
Amazing people
Soft toys
Ice cream vending machines
Huge-normous stores that have EVERYTHING in them!
Photography
Making memories of a good kind
Beautiful sights
Climbing inside the ruins of castles and towers and amazing things that were started as early as the 12th century, and touching it and feeling that history singing through the stones.
Challenge and cheer-leading statements:
I've come across the other side of the WORLD. I can do [whatever] too!
Who says I don't deserve this?
I'm an okay person.
It's okay to look after myself.
Apologies for the lack, but no outward links again this week. I think I probably will post less links while I'm away, but feel free as always to link in a comment to my SS posts if you do your own version! I still want to read and I'm sure others do, too!
Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.
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