This blog is part of my recovery, and I would like it to remain a safe place for me to share parts of myself and my life that people close to me may or may not know. As a result, while I'm not going crazy with privacy settings, I do ask that if you find this on your own and suspect you may know me, please respect my privacy by checking with us before reading any further. This obviously doesn't apply if one of us has given you the link!

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Sanguine Saturday in Leeds

It seems so hard to believe it's only been a week since my last Sanguine Saturday as it feels like so much has happened, and yet time seems to be flying past me on my holiday. It needs to slow down because I'm really enjoying myself for the most part, and although I'm less 'sane' than I'd hoped to be, I'm still doing loads better than I was at home.

Success Stories:
No drinking - and this is made even more huge by the situations I've been in for a lot of the past week -- in addition to staying with some people who drink fairly heavily, I also was in a couple of different pubs around people I know who were drinking, and part of a large-scale group meetup where I was almost the only one who didn't drink.

No SI of any kind. Also quite huge, this is the longest I've been without any form of SI in (I think) a year.

I survived the tube in London! Not always unscathed, not always brilliantly, but I stuck it out and didn't get out before my stop at any point.

I socialised, and (hopefully) came across as fairly normal and sane, for the most part. I met people I didn't know, people I've known for years and adored but not actually met in person, and one person I'd met in person before.

I coped with someone I love being mad at me.

I actually approached someone who did something that was unintentionally uncomfortable for me to let them know so that they didn't do it again.

I held what was possibly the longest "my crazy" conversation I've ever had offline - twice - and didn't even cry during one of them. (Always a bonus.)

I made decisions! Small ones, and mostly they took me a long time to actually make, but that's okay.

Not really along the same lines as others here this week but... I've been taking some touristy photographs -- ones that will be suitable for scrapbooking later.

Gratitudes/Happy Things:
Knowing amazing people.
Squirrels! Hamsters! Pet chipmunks! Ferrets! Bunnies!
Beautiful and friendly cats.
Getting decent photographs.
Making good memories
Random lovely messages (even from people who I made seasick with my inability to stand still for a day!).

Challenge and cheer-leading statements:
My friends aren't going to just stop loving me. Proper friendship doesn't work that way.
It's okay to ask for things.
Most of the people I know have pretty good boundaries. It's okay to trust in their own ability to look after themselves.
It really is okay to want things or to decide what I do or don't like.
Just because someone is mad at me doesn't mean they will walk out of my life.

Apologies for the lack, but no outward links again this week. I think I probably will post less links while I'm away, but feel free as always to link in a comment to my SS posts if you do your own version! I still want to read and I'm sure others do, too!

Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.


  1. I'm glad you're having a good time and also taking care of yourself at the same time. I know that can be really hard, especially when it's in person. Good for you in facing so many stressful situations and still manage to cope. You'll have to post up some pics, it would be awesome to see some when you get back! Now I know you don't like cyber hugs, I promise not to give them to you. Sorry if I upset you with them in the past. Anyway, have fun!
    Sarah :)

  2. Thanks Sairs. You haven't upset me with them, you didn't know! I don't expect people to be mindreaders here (just everywhere else ;P) It's about picking your battles, y'know? It wasn't worth mentioning especially, and I didn't expect you to know without being told. :)

    I do have some pics posted up, do you still have my email address? Send me an oi and I'll pass you the link. Most of them are fairly ordinary, so don't expect anything too special, but it's always nice to see a new part of the world, I think.

    Re coping, I think it's worth mentioning that although I'm doing better, I'm not doing fantastically. I worry that people get the wrong idea, I'm not saying I'm doing a perfect job of taking care of myself - just a better one than I've managed some other times.

  3. You're doing quite well, I'd say. Even when you were heavily triggered and dissociated, you managed to communicate what would help and how to keep you safe. That's massive, I'd say.

    Keep on hanging in there.



    you are doing amazing.