This blog is part of my recovery, and I would like it to remain a safe place for me to share parts of myself and my life that people close to me may or may not know. As a result, while I'm not going crazy with privacy settings, I do ask that if you find this on your own and suspect you may know me, please respect my privacy by checking with us before reading any further. This obviously doesn't apply if one of us has given you the link!

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Keeping Up With Sanguine Saturday

Today it is a real struggle to try and get words together. My body feels restless and full of energy; but my brain feels sluggish and confused. Disoriented. I have little recollection of much of the past week. I do believe this is mainly fallout, this is my brain and my automatic coping mechanisms protecting me, and I am trying to be okay with that. It does mean, though, that I'm not keeping up very well with all the blogs I usually read - I am reading, but commenting seems beyond my ability just now. I'm still here, but I'm somewhere else, too.

Success Stories:
As of waking up tomorrow morning, I will be able to say that I have not touched my alcohol in a full week.
I faced my fears yet again, in relation to an ongoing situation.
I have been chasing two people I need to talk to about something that is very difficult - and in both cases, the fact that I haven't talked with them yet is out of my control.
I allowed myself to be vulnerable in front of my alcohol counsellor.
I took the first step filling out an anonymous report for the police, about the assault when I was 15.
I have accepted an offer to sell the 'epic dreamcatcher' I made for CASV's art exhibition, and even more significantly, declined the one that was less money than would pay even for the materials used to create it.

Gratitudes/things that make me happy:
Small moments of beauty
Coca cola
Precious friends

Cheer-leading statements:
I am only responsible for my own thoughts and emotions, not anybody else's.
I have the power to choose the path I want to walk down.
I am an adult, I am safe, and unless I tell him, he will never know what I have done unless I choose to tell him.
It's okay to feel what I feel.
It's okay to accept money for my art/creations, and to place value on the things I produce. It's okay to say "I made this thing and it has value".

Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry you feel not so great but I'm glad you were still about to see some good things in your life or should I say, things that make you happy. I hope you start to feel better soon.