Here I am, back home in Brisbane. After my epic flight, I arrived on Tuesday night - I'm still way out of whack with times and getting very confused a lot.
In other news, I'm not actually doing very well. I'm struggling a huge amount with overwhelming emotions, loneliness (and a sense of loss now that my trip's over) and urges, and coming back to find out I don't have access to most of my support system (or to the people who can give me the documentation I need in order to move) was quite a blow.
Success Stories:
No burning.
I started conversations with strangers on my flights back/in airports.
I called and set up an appointment for next week with my alcohol counsellor (first available appointment).
I called and placed myself back on the waiting list with CASV and I have an intake appointment next week.
I went to call government housing in Canberra (and discovered I don't need to until I have my supporting documentation).
I called my support worker -- and discovered that she's now changed positions so I'm back on the waiting list there, too.
I pushed on my boundaries when I found I didn't like the restrictions they were placing on me when I returned here.
I've been practicing asking for things.
(Sort of fits above, but I want it to be a separate point as well) I've been practicing asking for reassurance and for clarification of things instead of just assuming.
I bought my nephew's birthday present.
Gratitudes/Happy Things:
Poetry. Writing it, reading it, helping convince friends to write it... ;)
Opportunities for growth
Good friends
Australian food! ;)
Music.
Challenge and cheer-leading statements:
It's okay to be honest about how I am doing.
It's okay to ask for things I need or want. Asking doesn't mean expecting, it doesn't mean demanding, it just means asking.
One day doesn't ruin everything. It doesn't negate the work that came before that day.
I have emotions for a reason, they serve a purpose. It is okay and important to feel things sometimes.
It's okay for people to like things about me. It's okay for people to care about me.
Don't forget to post up your own version of Sanguine Saturday (any day, any format as long as it's positive-focused!) and shoot me the link! If you're joining us in this challenge, I want to know about it. Finally, of course, don't forget to check out this week's list of Sanguine Saturday versions:
Lua of Almost Positive with Weekend Positivity
River of My Verse with Great Things
Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Sanguine Saturday from Sweden
Another week gone already, and I've spent most of this one in beautiful Sweden. I've done so much processing lately, it feels like constantly. I'm still processing things from the early part of my trip. I know it's good and healthy, but I hope the sand stops shifting underfoot some soon.
Some interesting conversations this week have pulled out some possible misconceptions and possible distorted thoughts, but I need to work out what I'm going to do with/about those, if anything.
Success Stories:
No drinking.
No burning.
I've been trying to do things to change my situation.
I managed to get to the airport and catch my plane all by myself even though I was really struggling.
I've learned the Swedish words for down and thanks -- ner & tack.
Still exploring my touch boundaries.
Exploring some difficult/uncomfortable discussions in safe ways.
I've been making some small decisions.
I've been putting work into thinking about what I'm going to do when I get home.
I tried (successfully, I think) a new poetry form -- cento.
Gratitudes/Happy Things:
Friends
Poetry
Sweet little Swedish doggies
Safe touch
Challenge and cheer-leading statements:
It's not a disaster if I make the wrong decision on something.
It is entirely possible that not everybody is going to ditch/leave/abandon me.
Sometimes it's okay to share how I'm feeling.
I don't have to be perfect.
Apologies for the lack, but no outward links again this week. I think I probably will post less links while I'm away, but feel free as always to link in a comment to my SS posts if you do your own version! I still want to read and I'm sure others do, too!
Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.
Some interesting conversations this week have pulled out some possible misconceptions and possible distorted thoughts, but I need to work out what I'm going to do with/about those, if anything.
Success Stories:
No drinking.
No burning.
I've been trying to do things to change my situation.
I managed to get to the airport and catch my plane all by myself even though I was really struggling.
I've learned the Swedish words for down and thanks -- ner & tack.
Still exploring my touch boundaries.
Exploring some difficult/uncomfortable discussions in safe ways.
I've been making some small decisions.
I've been putting work into thinking about what I'm going to do when I get home.
I tried (successfully, I think) a new poetry form -- cento.
Gratitudes/Happy Things:
Friends
Poetry
Sweet little Swedish doggies
Safe touch
Challenge and cheer-leading statements:
It's not a disaster if I make the wrong decision on something.
It is entirely possible that not everybody is going to ditch/leave/abandon me.
Sometimes it's okay to share how I'm feeling.
I don't have to be perfect.
Apologies for the lack, but no outward links again this week. I think I probably will post less links while I'm away, but feel free as always to link in a comment to my SS posts if you do your own version! I still want to read and I'm sure others do, too!
Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Final London Sanguine Saturday
Oh my, Saturday again already? Well, technically Sunday, but as I've only just got in, I'm going to count it.
Well, tomorrow's my last proper day here in the UK (I fly to Sweden on Monday, and although I'm back again after Sweden it's only overnight and then I've an early flight back to Australia), and I'm really quite sad to be leaving it. Happy, of course, to have the opportunity to go see my Swedish friend, but despite the crazy, despite some hard times, I've really enjoyed the UK and I've loved the people I've met. And especially these last few weeks, I've really done a lot of growing, which I think is something to be pleased about.
Success Stories:
No burning.
No drinking. In fact, as it's the 7th in Australia, I can announce that I'm now 3 months sober.
I've continued to push at my touch boundaries.
I've been practicing some new ways of interacting with people. (True, I get it wrong sometimes [a lot], but I'm trying, and that's important.)
I've done really well navigating myself around London.
I've done some scary but cool things -- like the London Tombs experience! (And oh my god was it ever scary for me!).
I've handled my money better than I expected to.
Gratitudes/Happy Things:
Friends.
Opportunities for growth and change.
Being brave enough to do some of the things I wanted to that I didn't think I could manage on my own.
Forehead kisses from safe people.
Zoos and squirrels.
Being called pretty (even though it was also very difficult to hear and created a lot of confusion and mixed feelings!)
Challenge and cheer-leading statements:
It's okay to ask for clarification if I think I might have misunderstood something.
It's okay to ask for touch, to accept touch, to enjoy touch. It's okay to share that with people I care about.
Sometimes it is okay/right/best to tell the person I'm with if I'm not okay.
It's okay to make mistakes and be imperfect.
I don't have to take on board every single thing that someone says about me. I can take it, see what fits and what is helpful, and I can leave the rest.
I don't have to fix everything *right now*. It's okay to prioritise and leave some things aside to work on at a later time.
Apologies for the lack, but no outward links again this week. I think I probably will post less links while I'm away, but feel free as always to link in a comment to my SS posts if you do your own version! I still want to read and I'm sure others do, too!
Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.
Well, tomorrow's my last proper day here in the UK (I fly to Sweden on Monday, and although I'm back again after Sweden it's only overnight and then I've an early flight back to Australia), and I'm really quite sad to be leaving it. Happy, of course, to have the opportunity to go see my Swedish friend, but despite the crazy, despite some hard times, I've really enjoyed the UK and I've loved the people I've met. And especially these last few weeks, I've really done a lot of growing, which I think is something to be pleased about.
Success Stories:
No burning.
No drinking. In fact, as it's the 7th in Australia, I can announce that I'm now 3 months sober.
I've continued to push at my touch boundaries.
I've been practicing some new ways of interacting with people. (True, I get it wrong sometimes [a lot], but I'm trying, and that's important.)
I've done really well navigating myself around London.
I've done some scary but cool things -- like the London Tombs experience! (And oh my god was it ever scary for me!).
I've handled my money better than I expected to.
Gratitudes/Happy Things:
Friends.
Opportunities for growth and change.
Being brave enough to do some of the things I wanted to that I didn't think I could manage on my own.
Forehead kisses from safe people.
Zoos and squirrels.
Being called pretty (even though it was also very difficult to hear and created a lot of confusion and mixed feelings!)
Challenge and cheer-leading statements:
It's okay to ask for clarification if I think I might have misunderstood something.
It's okay to ask for touch, to accept touch, to enjoy touch. It's okay to share that with people I care about.
Sometimes it is okay/right/best to tell the person I'm with if I'm not okay.
It's okay to make mistakes and be imperfect.
I don't have to take on board every single thing that someone says about me. I can take it, see what fits and what is helpful, and I can leave the rest.
I don't have to fix everything *right now*. It's okay to prioritise and leave some things aside to work on at a later time.
Apologies for the lack, but no outward links again this week. I think I probably will post less links while I'm away, but feel free as always to link in a comment to my SS posts if you do your own version! I still want to read and I'm sure others do, too!
Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Late Sanguine Saturday Again
It's been an interesting couple of weeks. I've been very busy! I'm also having trouble writing lately, anything I start sits for hours as I struggle to find the words I want to use.
Success Stories:
No drinking.
No burning.
I've been working really hard at pushing some of my boundaries.
Gratitudes/Happy Things:
Good friends
Calling my nieces on the phone. The 10 year old asked me where I was ("I'm in the Tower of London, which is in London") and then asked me if I'd been to the UK yet. The 7 year old asked me if my bed was in the Tower of London!
Challenge and cheer-leading statements:
All things pass eventually (if we let them).
Sometimes things need to be faced down, and sometimes some things need to be faced down a dozen times.
It's okay to make mistakes and get things wrong sometimes.
Apologies for the lack, but no outward links again this week. I think I probably will post less links while I'm away, but feel free as always to link in a comment to my SS posts if you do your own version! I still want to read and I'm sure others do, too!
Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.
Success Stories:
No drinking.
No burning.
I've been working really hard at pushing some of my boundaries.
Gratitudes/Happy Things:
Good friends
Calling my nieces on the phone. The 10 year old asked me where I was ("I'm in the Tower of London, which is in London") and then asked me if I'd been to the UK yet. The 7 year old asked me if my bed was in the Tower of London!
Challenge and cheer-leading statements:
All things pass eventually (if we let them).
Sometimes things need to be faced down, and sometimes some things need to be faced down a dozen times.
It's okay to make mistakes and get things wrong sometimes.
Apologies for the lack, but no outward links again this week. I think I probably will post less links while I'm away, but feel free as always to link in a comment to my SS posts if you do your own version! I still want to read and I'm sure others do, too!
Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
My latest ever Sanguine Saturday!
Oops. Sorry for the extreme lateness of this one. I have to be honest -- at first I was deliberately not posting this because I was doing very poorly and I was not being healthy about it. Since then, though, I did make the decision to post it but got distracted and busy instead! So, ignoring this week so far, here's last week's Sanguine Saturday!
Success Stories:
Although I did almost buy a bottle of vodka (even stood in the store holding it for about half an hour), I did put it back and walk out without it.
No drinking.
I made some small decisions.
I met two more of my friends who I hadn't met yet!
Gratitudes/Happy Things:
New types of sweets
Time with friends
Kitties
Challenge and cheer-leading statements (I really struggled with these this week - I'm having a lot of trouble working out what is accurate/appropriate):
Feelings aren't facts.
It's better to try and get it wrong than just to give up.
It will pass if I let it.
Apologies for the lack, but no outward links again this week. I think I probably will post less links while I'm away, but feel free as always to link in a comment to my SS posts if you do your own version! I still want to read and I'm sure others do, too!
Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.
Success Stories:
Although I did almost buy a bottle of vodka (even stood in the store holding it for about half an hour), I did put it back and walk out without it.
No drinking.
I made some small decisions.
I met two more of my friends who I hadn't met yet!
Gratitudes/Happy Things:
New types of sweets
Time with friends
Kitties
Challenge and cheer-leading statements (I really struggled with these this week - I'm having a lot of trouble working out what is accurate/appropriate):
Feelings aren't facts.
It's better to try and get it wrong than just to give up.
It will pass if I let it.
Apologies for the lack, but no outward links again this week. I think I probably will post less links while I'm away, but feel free as always to link in a comment to my SS posts if you do your own version! I still want to read and I'm sure others do, too!
Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Sanguine Saturday in Scotland
I move on to Manchester on Monday. I'm going to miss Scotland!
Success Stories:
No drinking.
No burning.
I had the option to let someone else order my food for me (easier but not healthy for me when I can do it myself) or order my own (challenging but healthier), and I made the choice to order my own.
I was brave and tried haggis. It actually tastes quite nice.
I made some simple decisions in a reasonable timeframe.
Gratitudes/Happy Things:
Being able to help someone when they needed it.
Spending time with my best friend.
Finding a giraffe shaped lollipop.
Pub trivia.
Music.
Challenge and cheer-leading statements:
Feelings aren't facts.
Having a hard time while on holiday doesn't mean anything about me except that I'm having a hard time.
I don't have to be perfect to be liked.
It's okay to let people know I'm having a hard time.
It will pass if I let it.
Apologies for the lack, but no outward links again this week. I think I probably will post less links while I'm away, but feel free as always to link in a comment to my SS posts if you do your own version! I still want to read and I'm sure others do, too!
Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.
Success Stories:
No drinking.
No burning.
I had the option to let someone else order my food for me (easier but not healthy for me when I can do it myself) or order my own (challenging but healthier), and I made the choice to order my own.
I was brave and tried haggis. It actually tastes quite nice.
I made some simple decisions in a reasonable timeframe.
Gratitudes/Happy Things:
Being able to help someone when they needed it.
Spending time with my best friend.
Finding a giraffe shaped lollipop.
Pub trivia.
Music.
Challenge and cheer-leading statements:
Feelings aren't facts.
Having a hard time while on holiday doesn't mean anything about me except that I'm having a hard time.
I don't have to be perfect to be liked.
It's okay to let people know I'm having a hard time.
It will pass if I let it.
Apologies for the lack, but no outward links again this week. I think I probably will post less links while I'm away, but feel free as always to link in a comment to my SS posts if you do your own version! I still want to read and I'm sure others do, too!
Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Sanguine Sunday
Man, have I really been in the UK three weeks already? Unreal! Can't believe I almost forgot to post this, too!
This week has been a little rough intermixed with really awesome. I've been catching myself reacting to my emotions in ways that I'm not very keen on (mostly to do with food), but for the most part I don't have the energy to fight against that too, so I'm letting it go for now. It's not healthy but it's not altogether destructive, either.
Success Stories:
No drinking.
Made it to an AA meeting here in Scotland. Only actually understood about half of what was said, but that's okay.
I found the AA meeting all by myself, and then navigated myself into the city! Since navigation is not a strong point of mine, there was a real urge to throw up my hands and put it in the too hard basket (especially since I was feeling quite anxious about the meeting anyway), but I didn't.
I survived a night full of strangers, and actually enjoyed myself in the end.
No burning.
I made some decisions! I decided what tours I was going to do, with which company, and then booked myself on two.
I've been making an effort to talk to strangers, even ones who don't have a child or animal in tow. I learned that it's less scary to me if I start the conversation.
I identified (with help) something that was making things hard for me (not having been properly creative in way too long), and I did something about it by going to a craft shop and buying supplies for paper mosaicing.
Gratitudes/Happy Things:
Giraffes.
Scottish candy (or, to be fair, pretty much any candy).
Spending time with my best friend.
Playing darts for the first time since I was little (I SO need to put a dart board up).
Singing.
Avenue Q.
Challenge and cheer-leading statements:
Feelings are not facts.
Someone can be upset at me and still care about me.
Things aren't black and white. There is grey in everything (and that's okay).
I really mean that first one. Really. Feelings are not facts.
Apologies for the lack, but no outward links again this week. I think I probably will post less links while I'm away, but feel free as always to link in a comment to my SS posts if you do your own version! I still want to read and I'm sure others do, too!
Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.
This week has been a little rough intermixed with really awesome. I've been catching myself reacting to my emotions in ways that I'm not very keen on (mostly to do with food), but for the most part I don't have the energy to fight against that too, so I'm letting it go for now. It's not healthy but it's not altogether destructive, either.
Success Stories:
No drinking.
Made it to an AA meeting here in Scotland. Only actually understood about half of what was said, but that's okay.
I found the AA meeting all by myself, and then navigated myself into the city! Since navigation is not a strong point of mine, there was a real urge to throw up my hands and put it in the too hard basket (especially since I was feeling quite anxious about the meeting anyway), but I didn't.
I survived a night full of strangers, and actually enjoyed myself in the end.
No burning.
I made some decisions! I decided what tours I was going to do, with which company, and then booked myself on two.
I've been making an effort to talk to strangers, even ones who don't have a child or animal in tow. I learned that it's less scary to me if I start the conversation.
I identified (with help) something that was making things hard for me (not having been properly creative in way too long), and I did something about it by going to a craft shop and buying supplies for paper mosaicing.
Gratitudes/Happy Things:
Giraffes.
Scottish candy (or, to be fair, pretty much any candy).
Spending time with my best friend.
Playing darts for the first time since I was little (I SO need to put a dart board up).
Singing.
Avenue Q.
Challenge and cheer-leading statements:
Feelings are not facts.
Someone can be upset at me and still care about me.
Things aren't black and white. There is grey in everything (and that's okay).
I really mean that first one. Really. Feelings are not facts.
Apologies for the lack, but no outward links again this week. I think I probably will post less links while I'm away, but feel free as always to link in a comment to my SS posts if you do your own version! I still want to read and I'm sure others do, too!
Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.
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