The need for ALL levels of recovery to be validated in their need for support

I want to address two things that are sort of connected. Something I've been running into in a few places lately, is this idea that those who are "further along the recovery path" should bend to those who are just beginning their journey, no matter what.

The thing about different places in the recovery journey, is that how we approach certain things affects others who are in different places. In a great many support communities, that means allowing people to express themselves however they like - 'whinge' comments and attention seeking are rife.

I believe those things have their place. I believe it's important for people to experiment with how to get the sort of attention and support they need -- but I don't think that should be at the expense of those who are a little further along the recovery road.

Whether we like it or not, those of us a little further on the recovery journey can find that really difficult to deal with. Being surrounded by people seeking short term solutions can really drag us down, and it can lead to the temptation to go back to using those short term solutions, instead of concentrating on the long term solultions that actually change things.

There's this idea that if, in a support-based community, we put up boundaries against that sort of behaviour, we are stepping on the people who need that communication style, and that because they're at an earlier stage of recovery, they have more right and need for support, because they are "sicker".

No. No, no, no, and I say again -- no. First of all, you can't determine whom of two people is "sicker" unless you know both extremely well and ideally hold a psychological degree. There's this idea that someone who has reasonable communication skills can't possibly be as sick as someone who struggles to understand concepts. This is not true. I might understand concepts quite well from a rational level - but that doesn't mean I'm capable of putting them in play in my life, or that I might not be affected in other ways.

This is connected to the idea that someone who is more visibly unwell is actually less unwell -- again, this is a myth/misconception. The truth is, you can't guage how well or unwell someone is by how they present. You just can't.

And you know what? Even if you could - by focusing on supporting those who are "most visibly unwell" at the cost of those who are less visibly unwell, you create an environment where the emphasis is on being as visibly unwell as you can, in order to receive support. You create an environment that says to everyone who needs support only deserves it if they are as visibly unwell as possible -- that's not an environment that encourages growth or healing, it's an environment that breeds dysfunction.

I'm all for there being a place to allow people to seek attention, coddle and other "short term" types of support - but there also needs to be room for there to be a place based around more indepth, growth based support, too.

And there needs to be more awareness that just because you may think I look less sick than your friend, it doesn't mean you are right -- and maybe it doesn't even matter. I deserve support every bit as much as anyone else, and that's not contingent on how well or unwell I am. What matters is that I am here, I am asking for it, and I deserve it because I am human.

How about you? How would you balance the need for differing levels of recovery to receive the support they require/deserve?