This blog is part of my recovery, and I would like it to remain a safe place for me to share parts of myself and my life that people close to me may or may not know. As a result, while I'm not going crazy with privacy settings, I do ask that if you find this on your own and suspect you may know me, please respect my privacy by checking with us before reading any further. This obviously doesn't apply if one of us has given you the link!

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Another Sanguine Sunday

I don't know why I didn't write/post this yesterday. I guess I just got caught up in my NaNo writing.

Success Stories:
I'm still here. I'm still alive, I'm still fighting.
Rhi and I went along to the Brisbane NaNoWriMo Kick Off Party. It was great!
Went along to Karakan's Melbourne Cup thing, even though Erica wouldn't be there.
Even though I desperately wanted to burn after talking to my father, I didn't. I also didn't overdose (even though I really wanted to).
Even though I had a drinking binge, I contained it - it wasn't a binge followed by "screw it, I'll keep going...", it was one night of drinking that ended after six drinks.
I kept my appointment with Michele even though I really just wanted to hide away.
Instead of going straight home (bad idea), I made the choice to go to CASV afterwards. I even got to talk briefly to my ex-counsellor there, who left a message for Carol to give me a call (she did).
Even though things have been hard, I've been able to stay fairly on track (word count) with my novel for NaNoWriMo.

Gratitudes/things that make me happy:
Friends with wise words, friends with comforting presence, friends who just are.
Melbourne Cup.

Cheer-leading statements:
In a choice between a rock and a hard place, I am doing the best I can to make the best possible decision. Sometimes that decision looks or feels horrible; sometimes that decision is horrible; and sometimes I get it wrong. That's okay.
I don't have to buy into my thoughts. I can acknowledge them, thank my mind, and let the thoughts go past.
I'm doing the best I can.
Not burning doesn't mean I'm not hurting, it just means I'm choosing a different path for myself.

Take care of yourselves until next time, and may we all find our own small fences along the way.


  1. i have had this same thing about si making pain "real."
    but like... i totally believe in love. i love my nieces and nephew, but i don't like, wear a shirt that says so or paint butterflies on my face to prove. i just act in ways that feel authentic to my love for them.
    maybe pain can be the same way... you (we) don't have to wear scars that show it, you (we) can just act in ways that are authentic to your pain (ie, cry, yell, write sad stories, talk to people about how you feel, etc).

  2. Good for you for not acting on your thoughts -- I know how tough it can be. Be well. *hugs*