This blog is part of my recovery, and I would like it to remain a safe place for me to share parts of myself and my life that people close to me may or may not know. As a result, while I'm not going crazy with privacy settings, I do ask that if you find this on your own and suspect you may know me, please respect my privacy by checking with us before reading any further. This obviously doesn't apply if one of us has given you the link!

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Returning from the mists -- & a question re friendships

Hello world!

It's been a long while since I posted, I know. I want to reopen this blog, but I'm not sure exactly what direction I want to take it in. I am, for the most part, doing quite well these days. I've been working very hard on myself and my issues. Don't get me wrong, I still have BPD symptoms that I need to get or keep on top of, but I'm not sure I even still meet the criteria.

My Sanguine Saturday posts have stopped, partially because I think I don't need them anymore, and partially because I just kept forgetting to post them once the internet was back on. A bit of shuffling may make these useful again, or I may abolish them entirely now that they have served out their usefulness.

My last episode of self harm, a minor cut to my shoulder, was in April (?) and it remains the only instance of self harm this year. That feels somewhere between a miracle and an amazement, and at the same time I'm a little bit proud. It's a big achievement for me. And although I have had a couple of drinks (few enough that the bottle of Vodka I bought at New Years still has alcohol in it even though I've shared it with both my partner and his adult daughter), my last problem-drink was in September.

Most of my problem behaviours have settled at least somewhat. As I said, I've worked hard.

My thoughts and emotions continue to need a lot of work, though, and although I've cut back on my therapy sessions, I have signed up to be included when DBT becomes available here. They're trying to make sure they have large enough numbers before they tell us when it's going to start, but I'm hopeful it'll be running by next year.

My partner and I are quite happy still, though of course we have our moments like any other couple. We have strong communication (I bet nobody expected I would be able to say I have strong communication with anyone!) and respect for each other - despite using nicknames like Bumface for each other. ;)

The one big thing missing, for me, is that I still have very limited friendships and "regular" support network. I have ceased contact with my father, and contact with the rest of my family has also been drastically reduced; and I simply don't have much in the way of friendships offline. I've been able to reconnect with one of the girls I went to school with, with whom I was close for a few periods after school, and that's been good, but I really need more friends locally.

My volunteer position didn't work out - I just wasn't ready yet - so I'm wondering if any of you have any suggestions on how I can meet and make friends, especially local ones? I spend some time at the local mental health community facility (with workshops and activities) but I'd really like to make friends with people who're functioning better in the real world than I am. There's a games store opening up locally that sounds like it'll run board game nights etc, so I'll check that out, too, but any other suggestions would be very welcome.


  1. What about finding some sort of craft activity that runs regularly? It could be a more formal class in something, or just a group where people who like craft get together regularly and work on their craft projects. You're good at craft and enjoy it; that might be a way to meet people you have something in common with? Or, does your local library run anything you'd be interested in - book club, film nights, anything like that? That might be another way. I think a good thing to do would be find something you like to do that other people like to do too, and get involved to whatever degree you can manage.

    I'm so proud of you. You are doing so well now compared to the girl you were when I met you. It has been a privilege to share your journey with you, to watch you grow and prosper, and I look forward to many more years of friendship with you. You're awesome, I love you, and don't you forget it!

  2. I am so pleased that you are doing so well, Chrysalis. You should be very proud of yourself. I too struggle with the social side of things, but oddly enough I have only this week looked into doing some things which would make me mix a little more. These things will come, C.

    Love to you, Pixie x

  3. Oi missy thats sir Bumface to you xox

  4. Thanks ladies. :)

    Bethany, re the friend thing, those are brilliant ideas, thank you, dear friend! I'm going to keep an eye out to see if anything starts up at the local library - unfortunately it's not as good as my old local with activities happening, but there's always hope for improvement on that front! ;) I might have to wait til we have a car again before taking up the other - as I recall, the craft group meets a fair way away from here. Still something to keep in mind, definitely!

    That last little bit you added, Bethany, about how far I've come, bless you. I'm deeply honoured to be your friend, and very touched by your words. <3

    Pixie, have you done some mixing now? :) I hope you have and it went well! Also, please will you email me (do you have my address?) your new/current blog? I don't seem to have one for you anymore!

    Annnnd to you, bumface, I say... pffffffffttttttttt. ;)